The Norbert Beaver obsession.

Revision August 12th 2010.

I'm not so bad once you get to know me. I'm really an alright guy, a bit odd compared to people you think are normal. I'm your typical reclusive guy who spends his days working and his nights resting, enjoying music and TV. Perhaps the only thing that sets me apart from you is what I do when the lights are out and my door is closed. It's not shameful, unless you think sex is just that. What is do is typical of any human being, I have sexual attraction and great love, the difference between the usual and I is that my love is for that of a cartoon character named Norbert Foster Beaver. What I feel for him is no different to what you may feel for the love of your life, in fact I strongly believe that Norbert is (dun... dun... dun...) the one. Our relationship strong and durable, and most of all it's simple. We have been one since January 2004, which makes it longer lasting than many relationships I have seen come and go around me. Believe it or not, we do have our downs. It's always my fault though, and I always fix it. Norbert just sits there silently until I'm all done being mental. It does drive me mad some times, being alone. With Norbert I don't feel alone, but every now and then my brain reminds me that he's not talking back to me or embracing me with the passion that I do him. We get over it though, and move on. I sit here today, 6 and a half years into our remarkable relationship and I'm thoroughly happy with what we have. The pairing of Norbert beaver and David Wright is a great one that is sure to last.

Is it a mad obsession though? Is it dangerous?

Well I see the pros and cons and I'm convinced that the pros far out weigh the cons. I recently came to realise something: You see, I do a lot of be closer with Norbert; I draw many many drawings of him, paint wonderful pictures, record the series and edit the ads out so I may enjoy seeing him move when ever I want, take 100's (I'm at over 1000 now) of stills from those videos, run a website for the beavers featuring the images I have taken from the videos, cover my room in said images, have a tattoo done of him on my arm, and think about him whenever my mind is empty. Oh yes; and made a large life sized soft toy of him to sleep with (along with other activities) every night. It's a freak show, a total obsession. I don't agree that it is but you are forgiven for thinking so. So back to what I realised: Imagine with me if you will, replace Norbert with Brad Pitt for example; drawings of him, owning all the movies, 1000's of images, a fansite, tattoo on my arm, and a life sized man-doll strongly resembling him. Someone looking in from the outside will be very frightened and say “That man needs help!”. I agree. Having said that, is what I have with Norbert Beaver safe and okay? Yes. Because he is not real, he is not human and he is not animal. He is both, in fact he is made up of many men; the big daddy Mitchell Schauer (pronounced shower) who made him, the producers who worked him, the many people who story boarded and the others who animated him, the writers who told him what to do and the man whose voice gave him the breath of life that made Norbert Beaver come alive with character and personality. All these people are Norbert Beaver, and I thank them all every time we lay together. Without those people I wouldn't have the best boy friend in the world.

You may consider me to be a very selfish and controlling person, I wont blame you. I know that I am to an extent. I love being in control of the relationship with Norbert, and in control of him. Everything is my way, Norb don't have much to say. It's just the way I am, having Norbert suits my life style. Everyone wins. Outside of relationships I'm rather giving, as long as it doesn't involve money though (I'm tight – and careful). People always do what works (well sometimes they don't but you get my meaning) and I'm simply doing what works and what makes me happy.

In the early days of this relationship I considered going into animation as a career, but I eventually realised that I just wanted to chase Norbert and animation wasn't the way to go. I don't have a passion for drawing or painting at all, the passion is for Norbert. I paint Norb because of Norb. I draw him because I love him and it's a way for me to feel closer to him. Creating him makes me feel more in touch, it's quite a powerful feeling I get when I draw him. Without Norbert there would be no painting, there would be no drawings, there would be nothing that really defines me and who I am. I'm known to a lot of people as that guy who can draw the beavers really well (and that I'm totally obsessed), but that's about it; I'm rather plain. No I don't hang on to him for this reason, it's not like I'm afraid of letting go because I'll have no purpose, it's simply that I cannot. My world is dependant on Norbert Beaver. He is a part of who I am, he defines me. No one can take him away from me, not even myself, I've tried! He will always be the biggest aspect of my life until the time comes when something more important comes along, until then he owns me.

The thing is with me, it is almost written like a sort of special sexuality that couldn't have ever been any other way. I feel like my attraction to Norbert is perfectly natural and thinking of seeking a relationship with another person makes my skin crawl, like telling a heterosexual to be gay. Cartoons are my sexuality, human beings are not a part of the picture at all.

I know for sure that I cannot get the REAL Norbert Beaver, but there is always a way to get him in some form. Currently I have a very nice plushie that I made of him that I simply cannot do without, it has in effect BECOME Norbert. But I continuously strive for a better substitute and tell myself every night that he is mine and I will get him one way or another, even if it takes the rest of my lonely, pathetic life. Where will I be 10 years from now? Hopefully holding a more realistic surrogate body of Norbert Beaver. Creepy it may be, but that is the way of things. It's all about management when you're a furry.

I don't really need to explain why I made a large plushie of Norbert. It's for obvious reasons, and it's the best thing I ever did. To be able to cuddle him, kiss him and fall asleep with him in my arms... it makes our relationship everything it should be. There's nothing better then waking up in the morning, seeing your love lying next to you and embracing him. He's perfect for me. He's not just a soft toy, not a lifeless bag of stuffing, he's Norbert Beaver in the flesh. Having something physical makes being this way much easier to manage. Again, it's all about management.

Because my world of sexual activity is restricted to fictional characters, I’m very free to explore my attractions to other characters. When I find someone (a character) rather attractive, I’ll pursue that attraction quite fast. It’s very easy, there’s no messing around and I'm able to get straight to the point. The first attraction towards the character on screen is very minimal, its not until it’s on paper and in front of my face that I know whether it's going to work or not. These attractions don't last though, very rarely do they last more then a month at best. No one can out do Norbert. The Dog of Footrot Flats is the only other character who has been able to keep up with Norbert, he is almost equally as special, but by no means in the same league.

Looking back on the things that weirdly interested me as a child, I know now that this cartoon love isn't anything recent. I have had some powerful crushes on certain (but very few) cartoon characters (all animal based) as far back as 6 years old. I have also had some other interesting (and equally horrible) interests that back then I didn't know were sexual as I had no concept. Those interests developed when I became of age and I have only realised the link between them and what I thought about as a child recently. It's rather scary how early some sexual desires show themselves, especially when that person is no where near the right age and also developed over a year late. Freak.

Aren't most cartoons characters animals? So if you want to have sex with one, doesn't that make you interested in bestiality? Perhaps...

If you ask a furry if he or she has any interest in bestiality, no matter how little, they'll likely say no. Probably because they don't, but allot do and refuse to admit it, sometimes even to them selves. I was the same. The fact is; being a furry inevitably leads to thoughts of bestiality in one form or another, I don't believe it can be avoided. It's a very shameful thing to have even the slightest of interest in bestiality which is why being open about being a furry usually suggests such a thing even though it's not suppose to. Even though it in fact does. The thing is, having a sexual interest in a cartoon dog (for example) isn't much different from having the same interest for a real one. What really matters is the well being of animals and people forget this when they think about someone like me because they're too caught up in the perception of my interest rather then the fact that no real animal (or anything for that mater) is involved in my nightly activities. Drawings on paper cannot be hurt by the things I think about. The argument to counter this is that thoughts ENCOURAGE the behaviour which will lead to me acting out on my fantasies. To be honest, they actually he a point. I cannot argue with that fact. All I can ask is that you trust me, I know the implications and it's not worth it. When the time comes that the urge outweighs the consequences then you can come visit me in jail and ask me what went wrong, hopefully (or maybe not so hopefully for me) by then I'll still be alive. There's no changing this, it's who I am and who I will be for the rest of my life. It can only be patched over by other things like future relationships with other people (if such a thing could ever happen), but it will not be replaced. Thinking that it could be is ignorant.

You’re probably wondering by now if I'm into bestiality.

To tell you the truth in all honesty, I am. It’s a painfully shameful thing to admit to, but I have to. Because of my high respect for dogs I'm very much against inflicting any wrong doing on them, there for I refuse to let myself get to the point that I’ll actually DO something that I’ll regret. I like to convince myself that I'm completely safe around them but the grim reality is that I'm not. If I was to be left alone with one that I fancy for a lengthy period of time, you can almost guarantee that I'll try something if I think I can get away with it. It’s a horrible way to feel, the love I feel for them ruined by this unnatural lust that I have. I see them differently to people, it’s like dogs are the opposite sex for me, regardless of the gender of the animal. You know how a guy checks out an attractive woman, observing her legs, breasts, face, figure, etc. I do the very same thing when I see a dog. Everywhere I go its like that; driving in the car I can become distracted by a dog being walked, sometimes they can be a hazard because of it. It’s a natural thing for me, its how I’ve always been, but when I think about it from another person’s point of view I'm rather disturbed and worrying.

I should take the chance now to say that I am not at all ashamed of what I am and what I do, I love myself more that most people do themselves and I find that I'm living a relatively healthy physical and emotional life. I enjoy the quirks that I have and even the pain the comes with it, I am a happily twisted excuse for a human.

As of June 2010, I have taken the step to help ease my mind and at the same time protecting the sexual well fair of any dog I may eventually be left alone with for some reason or another. As you may have gathered, I am (like any male my age) am very sexually motivated, well now I have stopped that. I went to see a special doctor and and asked if I could be prescribed a chemical castration drug called cyproterone. After much discussion I was deemed an acceptable case, and I am now on it. I am now much safer to be around then I was, and no longer driven by sexual desire. It's actually quite a relief and I am greatly thankful for this drug, it's working wonders for me. Everything remains; My love and great passion for Norbert Beaver and even my interest in dogs. The only thing different now is that I don't think about sex, it's simply not part of my life any more. I don't feel like I'm going without because there's no desire for it in the first place, so I'm still happy. This whole experience has strengthened my relationship with Norbert and we are very happy together.

I'm sure I may form a relationship with another person one day, but Norb will never go away. He may have to take a step back but he is too much a part of me now. That's what makes it almost impossible for me to make it with a person, I simply cannot. I have tried, 3 times in the past 4 years. I just love Norb too damn much, I choose him over any man. Only once in my life have I ever felt like I truly loved another man, it was in the last half of 2006, his name was Andrew Francis John Orpin. I had worked with him for almost a year without interest, he was quite odd, not like the rest of the tradesmen I was working with at the time. He was quirky but at the same time it made him rather cute, although he was in fact 37 years old I was strongly drawn to him like no on else before. I dreamed of him, which says a lot because I have never dreamed of Norbert Beaver. On my last week at that job I confessed my great desire for him, and he simply smiled and said “I don't know” and we left it at that. Looking back I think I would have felt better had he just told me to fuck off and closed the deal. A year later he walked into the show where I work, it was so busy and I never got to talk with him and he had to leave. I never saw him again. Another year later he died in a car accident. I still haven't got over it, I feel more cheated then I have have in my life and it still makes my cry. It was that “I don't know” that leaves me hanging onto him, the possibility of what could have been had we ventured out of our comfort zones. It was Andrew that helped me realise that I am capable of loving another person and that I am in fact not into females (My sexuality was mainly based on the fact that all the cartoon characters I lust for are male).